My Approach to Couples Therapy
My approach is rooted in three scientific domains: attachment theory, neuroscience, and nervous system arousal and regulation. I use the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT Level II) and integrate elements from The Gottman Method, Non-violent Communication, and the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy.
PACT is a model of couples therapy that synthesizes principles from psychology, biology, and neuroscience. It focuses on how partners' attachment styles, nervous systems, and brain functioning affect their interactions and experiences in a relationship. PACT helps partners learn to interact in ways that promote “secure functioning” and thus ultimately create secure attachment and the ability to thrive together as a couple. Here’s a bit more about the three scientific pillars upon which PACT is built:
Attachment Theory
Research shows that the nature of our relationships with our primary caregivers when we are children shapes the nature of the intimate bonds we make as adults. Understanding how attachment issues developed in childhood are impacting our relationships with our partners helps us shed unfulfilling behaviors and move towards secure ways of being in relationship.
Developmental Neuroscience
Some parts of the brain are designed to detect threat and respond with self-defense, while others are designed for trust, generosity, and maintaining loving relationships. Knowing how the brain is at work in our interactions with our partners empowers us to strategically and effectively re-shape our relationship dynamics.
Nervous System Arousal + Regulation
Physical and emotional stress impact our nervous systems. When stress is at a manageable level, we are within the “window of tolerance” in which we can be present with and connected to our partner. When stress is too high, we enter states like fight, flight, or freeze and our interactions with our partners go downhill. Self-regulating and co-regulating our nervous systems helps us stay connected.
In therapy, I will utilize these areas of knowledge (among others) to help you and your partner create new ways of interacting that foster connection, effective teamwork, and help you meet your goals as a couple — whether they be to improve your sex life, develop better conflict skills, get through a major transition, decide whether to breakup or stay together, or any other challenge you are facing together. Learn how to collaborate and interact effectively to overcome the challenges you are facing currently, as well as those that you will inevitably face in the future.